I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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