just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
