Soap is not a condiment
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
