it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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