i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize