I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
