I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
