I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
