New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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