he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
