I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
