I hate your face
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
