just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
