This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
