Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
