I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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