drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
