I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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