Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
