Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
