If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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