Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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