Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
