You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
