I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
