I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
