The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
