im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
