in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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