I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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