just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
