She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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