i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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