Im at strip club and am horny
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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