On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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