Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
