My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
