Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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