There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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