I met the friendliest cop last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
