woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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