Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
