Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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