He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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