If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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