I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
