i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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