My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize