he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
