The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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