I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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