so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
