You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
