Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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