I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
