im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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