Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just pee around me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
