Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
