youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
