Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
