New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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