Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
