Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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