Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize