You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
