Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize