Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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