..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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