i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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