Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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