Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
