Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
