The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
