how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
