YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
