Got a toothbrush?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize