Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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